2001-04-26
I can never ever disappoint people. Well, I shouldn't say that. I'm pretty sure I've disappointed quite a few people quite a few times. If I tell someone I'm going to do something, I do it. Even if later I don't want to, I still spend my time doing things I don't want to do just to keep that person happy. Sometimes I'll make up an excuse but then I feel guilty about for a few days.
I spend a lot of my time running around doing things for and with people so they are not disappointed in me. Nevermind that I'm not happy.
I'm pretty sure this came from my mother. She never yelled at me. She would always talk to me. When I did something bad she would say this in a calm, sad voice. "I'm so disappointed in you, Rachael. I can't help but feeling I went wrong somehow."
Ouch.
I'm 12 and I'm doing normal 12-year-old mischief but I get that layed on me when I get caught.
The biggest punishement for me, the worst thing that ever happened, was that she was "disappointed in me".
I told my Dad that I was going to go and see him in Victoria this weekend. I don't want to. I have lots of stuff going on here. I'm packing, organizing a garage sale, and making crafts to sell at a market this summer. I'm trying to get these things done before school starts. I'm trying really hard to reduce stress.
I'm not going to go to Vancouver. I know they will be disappointed. That makes me feel horrible. But I think it is best for me if I don't go. Exciting things are happening here for me and I want to stay close to them.
