2001-05-25
I have become one of those people that I hate. Well, hate is a strong word. Let's just say I shake my head at them.
I was in Zeller's pretending to look for new clothes for Chloe. I say pretending because what I was really doing was torturing myself. I am really broke. My poor girl is wearing pants that are too short. And they aren't even short enough to be cool short pants. They just look like her mom has no money to buy her new clothes. This makes me very sad.
I walked around looking at area rugs and sheet sets and towels and sandals. I seriously wanted to steal them. If there was a way that I knew I would never get caught I would take the stuff. As if the Zellers people really need my bit of money. I'm sure they drive a Lexus or Mercedes and have too much money to even shop in the store they own. Pretnding of course that it isn't owned by The Bay and those rich people are even richer because of it.
I remember a day when I didn't ever shop in Zellers. I guess that was because I didn't need to.
And then I found a pair of jeans that would fit Chloe. They had no price tag on them. In the past when that has happened in Zellers I have managed to get a great deal out of it. So I stood in a long line. The store was about to close. I got to the front and told the woman that they had no tag on them and I would like to know how much they are. She called the department and we waited. All the twelve people behind me in line waited. The bar code checker person phoned back and they ended up being twenty five dollars. I had to tell her that I didn't want them.
That is the kind of person that really annoys me. The kind of person that will relentlessly, shamelessy try to get a deal. Even if no one really knew that was what I was doing, that was my intention. I wanted the pressure of the lineup to make the woman crack and give me the pants for five dollars.
I didn't used to use coupons because I didn't want people to think that I was cheap. I realize now that there is a difference between broke and cheap.
I really need to stop wanting. I need to start going into the mall and getting what I am there for, at the best price I can find instead of browsing every store and pining over things I can't afford. I have what I need to physically survive and I need to find a way to be OK with that. It's hard for the middle class Gap girl to learn how to live at the poverty line scowering the local discount store for a deal. I am learning but that doesn't make it any easier.
I hate money and corporations and classes. And "hate" is not too strong a word, thought I should probably replace it with "jealous".
