2001-07-31
Well, I've slept on the couch the last two nights. Not that comfortable but the bed wouldn't have been either. We still haven't talked. He's just had two days off and goes to work this afternoon. He has been watching TV for three days. I am not kidding. He has been laying in the bed for three days watching mindless-brain-cell-sucking-television. He drifts in and out of sleep. I didn't feel comfortable asking him to move out to the living room to watch his beloved television when it comes time for me to go to bed. Then, on both nights, he comes out to ask if I'm sleeping there. And he said it kind of laughing. I could tell he was smiling, like he thought I was an idiot. He hasn't spoken to me for four days and then thinks that I'm going to get naked and crawl into bed with him?
He has gotten off the bed a couple times. Mostly to eat but he's done a few chores around the house. He's snoring behind me right now. I think he should got to the doctor to see why he has less energy than a 90-year-old man. This is the epitome of couch potato. This couch mashed-potato.
I have absolutely no motiviaton to study today. I sit at my desk and want to hit myself in the head. I don't want to do it anymore but I know there is lots to learn. I'm at a point that I would rather fail than study. So there. I know all I talk about right now is studying but that's all I'm doing. I did go down to my school yesterday to practice locating points on one of the girls in my class. The only problem is that she is Muslim and wears a Hijab. Not that that is a problem. It's just that she doesn't show anything but her hands, feet and face. It's a bit limiting for point location. And I wonder why she would want to enter an education and profession where nakedness happens regularly. Not that every patient is naked but if you have a lower back problem sometimes some bum hangs out. That's about it really. They keep on as much clothes as they can, only baring the areas that need to be needled. But in class we practice on eachother. This involves baring arms, legs, shoulders. backs, heads. She can't do this. And the other thing is that she has really bad oedema. So there is so much water under her skin that I can't feel the bones that I need to use as guides for locating. So, yesterday was more for her benefit but it was really nice to talk to someone (anyone). Am I rambling?
She says she wears her Hijab because now people stare at her but it's never for a sexual or beauty oriented reason. Good for her. But she shaves her legs. What is up with that?
I have a syndrome in Chinese Medicine. It will mean nothing to you but it is Spleen Qi Deficiency with Dampness. I can't explain the whole thing but emotions affect your health. There are seven emotions that deplete certain organs and negatively affect your health. Overthinking or worry is the emotion that depletes the spleen. Studying is part of overthinking. So when I study too much or too hard it makes me ill. That is part of my lost motivation. Symptoms include nausea, no appetite, abdominal bloating and distention, loose stools, and fatigue. Then a few liver symptoms will be thrown in like rib pain and irritability. I think I should just tell my teachers that I studied so hard that my spleen nearly died. That will get my by I'm sure.
But for now I'm going to go watch TV. I can't bare to anything but lay there.
Two more days until I'm done school. Send me some good study energy because I am spent baby!
