2001-06-24
I had a comment about someone reading all my entries here. Then I realized that meant here and not including my old address. There is one tiniest iota of my life at this page, I haven't done enough entries to adequately portray my neuroticism. So if you are new and for some strange reason think I'm interesting you'll find a lot more smut here.
Now let's get to work shaming myself here.
My mother is driving me fucking bonkers. See, she is really controlling. She's always been that way. It became more and more obvious to me as I got a bit older and became a parent. It became painfully obvious when I started living with my boyfriend and making my own family. A family that she shouldn't hold so much power in.
We lived in a house with her for the last year. This was the perfect place for her puppet show (starring me of course). I was in my own home, which was actually her home. I was in a relationship that was none of her business but I was still in her home so she could bitch about there being clothes in the dryer or a box in my living room or dirty carpets or dishes not being done.
She never really outright tells me what to do. But she tries to be sneaky and tell me what to do without really saying it but by making suggestions.
Good example: My daughter's carseat is on one side of the backseat of my car right now. I understand that it is the safest to have her in the middle but because of moving and all sorts of things it has remained on the side of the car. My mom asked me about two weeks ago when I was going to put it back in the middle. Presuming of course I was going to. That should be a decision that I make, she is my child and I get to make these choices. I told her there is no bolt clamp in the middle and so I would have to have it drilled in. She said she would pay for it. Then she phoned to tell me that she had a dream that a car t-boned me and the car crushed Chloe. She has made about six comments about it since. Then yesterday she phoned to tell me that she had phoned Honda and found out all about it and now I can go there. Because she says "This is number one on my priority list." Not her list, my list. Then yesterday she's in my driveway and tellling me that all the glass from the window in my car is going to smash all over Chloe's face. So it comes down to this....If I don't do what she is telling me too then a Mac truck is going to hit me and my child is going to have eyes full of shards of glass because of my laziness.
This is one small example of what she says to me in a day. I guess there isn't really much sneakiness there. But she buys me books about disciplining your children or what to do with a picky eater, or what to do if your child wets the bed. Do you think she gives me the message that I'm not doing a good job and could do some reading up on the subject? If I felt I needed parenting advice from the "experts" I would go buy the books myself. Yesterday she walked all the way through my house and back, it took her ten minutes. She said six things that offended me.
Her: "Tell BigC not to break my lawnmower."
Me: "Well he broke it once already so there isn't much he could do to now."
(She was dropping off a part we needed for it because he ran over a stump and it had cracked. But she had spent $18 in gas to get it for us. We never asked her too but she makes all these comments to make me feel like I'm forvever indebted to her)
Her: "Well, I wonder how many pieces I'm going to get it back in."
Me: (all sarcastic like) "Well, you can take it right now in one piece so you know you'll get it back and we'll find another one to use."
Her: "Well, you know what I mean."
She told me about how my boyfriend never finishes anything he starts. She told me she lost 11 pounds but not by eating chips and hummus (what I was eating when she got here). Big C said I should have turned around and said "Yah, well I'm getting laid."
She lends me her area rugs so she can bitch about my dog walking on them with dirty feet. She offers to babysit my child so she can complain about it. She goes to visit my grandmother (who is like her but times ten) everyday because my grandmother guilts her into. My mother makes me feel guilty that I don't give into my grandmother's guilt and my mom has to. She complains to me about my grndmother being a miserable martyr. Isn't my mother being a martyr by submitting to my grandmother's demands and bitching to me about. Trying to make me feel sorry for her because she let her mother control her all her life.
I am so tired of this. I need to just have it out with her. We need to have one whoop-ass cat scrap and then I can move on. The thing is that I know that she knows that she does it. She tries to be so discreet with her little comments. Well, you know what Mom, it's over. I can't do this anymore.
The other day she phoned me twice and I hadn't called her back until 4:30. When she answered she says "Where were you, I was concerned, I thought something happened to you." And I say "You sound like grandma. I was out." I thought that may have affected her somehow but after yesterday's endeavours I know she doesn't have a clue. I have to tell her all this before I hate her.
I have to tell her all this before I haul off and give her a left hook to the jaw one day when she tells me that my cat's litter box stinks and there must be a better spot for it.
