2001-07-27
Today.........
I got up and showered and got ready.
I got Chloe ready, made her breakfast, made her lunch.
We got the kitten from outside put him in the box and all got in the car.
I dropped Chloe at school.
I took Tuna, the kitten, to the vet to get a shot and checkup.
I came home and studied for five hours.
I did the dishes and took meat out to make dinner.
I picked up Chloe.
We went grocery shopping.
We came home. I made her a sandwich. I unloaded the groceries from the car.
I made dinner for me and Big C and a different dinner for Chloe.
I ate my dinner.
I watched TV and read books to Chloe for a couple hours.
I studied for two hours.
I am making a diary entry and then going to bed.
Big C came home after dinner was finished. He didn't say anything to us but got in the shower. He laid on the other couch and fell asleep. After a while he got up and asked me if the dinner on the counter was mine. I told him it was for him. He was eating as I started studying. I asked him if he could go watch TV in the bedroom. This was followed by a sigh, which made me feel guilty about asking, becuase he had to stand up and walk fifteen feet to go lay on the bed instead of the couch so I could study for my finals. Still, the only thing he has said to me is about the dinner. After a couple hours I come into the bedroom and tell him that I am going to go to bed. He sighs again. I told him I'm sorry that my studying and sleeping interfered with his TV watching. He says nothing and goes to lay on the couch. Oh, I should have mentioned that he did actually do the dishes at one point.
Welcome to my world.
I feel like I carry way too much of the load here. The only trouble is that communication is pretty slim. When I do feel comfortable enough to say anything to him. He just says nothing back. I ask him how he feels and he tells me he has nothing to say to that.
Atleast once a day I wonder what I'm doing in this relationship. I've come to a sad conclusion that I best stay in it until I can afford to live on my own.
Sometimes I think the trouble is that I spend too much time defining what goes on between us. I think about how it could be or how it should be.
But the truth is I'm tired.
And Anonymous Surfer, can you please keep your commments to yourself. I don't need to hear that I've been saying I'm going to break up with him for a year now and I deserve better. Save it. Thanx.
