2002-01-29
Anonymous guestbook entries always make me think it is someone from real life. The most current one sounds so like one of my friends in Victoria. I don't mind if anyone reads this. Go to it.
I have been really great, and shitty, and great, and inbetween.
The relationship thing is hard to deal with sometimes. It is like moving in and spending all your time with a stranger. I am, however, learning about unconditional love. And also how annoying I am in a relationship. I'm sure surprised that I'm not perfect, aren't you?
I quit smoking 22 days ago. We both did. That is going good.
Not too hard, I'm just a little bitchier.
I'm in an internet cafe and I feel like everyone is reading this over my shoulder. Is that normal or am I paranoid?
The boyfriend asked me to marry him on Christmas day. It was somewhat expected but still a total shock. I know I will spend the rest of my life with him but I didn't think we would commit to that right now. With the problems we are having I asked him not to propose because I didn't want any added stress, or pressure, but he did anyways. He loves me like that. he wanted to get married this summer coming but I want to wait. I don't want to start planning it. I need some time to just be. I want to have a routine and nothing exciting going on. So, I think that we will wait until August of 2003. And you are all invited. The little girl in me is overyjoyed but the analytical adult must question every flower or white shoe I look at.
I wish I had eight days to sit here and totally fill you in. All these things keep popping into my head that I need to share.
I'm apprenticing with a Chinese Doctor in town. It is going really, really, really, well. I'm glad that I moved here if only for that. I have learned more in the last month than I did in my first year.
The boyfriend lets me give him treatments every night. He had insomnia for a week and I made him sleep. He really likes it. That's pretty funny for a truck drivin' redneck. He even tells his redneck buddies about it. He is proud of me and that feels good. I am proud of me too.
At the clinic I get to hook up electroacupuncture, take needles out, put in magnet ear seeds. I am loving it. It won't be long before I'm needling too. I have met some really great people who are patients there so it is like I go in and visit with friends all day. I don't really have friends here so it's nice.
Today I was learning how to do a facelift with acupuncture. There is a woman who comes in and I have noticed her gorgeous skin. She is 66 and looks 50. I think I may move to Beverly Hills and practice on wrinkly famous people.
The Doctor who is teaching me wants to retire. There is another apprentice who has been there for 2 years. He is going to buy half the practice when he writes his licensing exam. The Doctor wants me to buy the other half when I am done.
He sees 20 - 60 patients a day. He makes $24,000 per month. I never pictured myself being rich, or even financially comfortable, but it looks like it could happen. Even if I was broke forever I would still want this to be my job.
The kids are getting along great. We have had a couple of episodes of "I'll show you mine, you show me yours" but I think we took care of that.
The uncomfortable sensation due to the adjustment is easing up. It comes and goes. It helped me out when I looked at it like this.
I have gone through some major, major life changes. And I am doing them all at once. It is an exciting time of growth and learning but wowee, it is hard. I'm not sure who I am anymore. I am lonely and feeling discumbobulated and different. Here are the things I have lost/changed.
I ended a two-year relationship with a man I loved very much. I never allowed myself the time or space to heal from that relationship. I still think of him often and it really hurts. I'm dealing with letting it go but some days I just want him to hug me.
I moved cities. For the first time, really. They are very different cities.
I changed my education. From a college to a clinic.
I entered a new relationship and moved in with a man I barely knew and am now engaged to marry him.
I went from having one child and being the one boss, to having three (that fight all the time) and having to co-parent.
I left all my family and friends. All this is going on and I have no one to talk about it with.
I severed the controlling relationship with my mother. For the first time, at 26, I am in total control of my life and decisions.
I quit smoking after 14 years.
And then I would beat myself up for being depressed. If one of these things was happening to me I would have some emotional trouble. My family was pressuring me to get on some antidepressants but (being the new independant version) I assured them that I would deal with it and if I felt I need them I will get them. What would really help is some counselling but that is too expensive. Boyfriend says he'll pay for it but I am too independant to take him up on that. He is paying all the bills while I go to school and I have issues with being a financial burden.
I have started eating healthier, read a couple of good books and I am going to start exercising pretty quick here. I am feeling better. I think that the best thing will be time.
Jeesh. My fingers are sore. There is probably so many more things that I want to say but this is the quicky recap.
Love to all from Me in Redneck City. It is minus 20 degrees here. I have a new appreciation for scarves and touques.
I'll try to be back soon. Thank you for missing me.
