2002-05-22
I am standing on the edge of the of a deep ravine called Breakdown.
Once every six months or so, I shut down. Right now I feel scared and weak and shaky.
Chloe's Dad's family is warming up to make my life quite hellish again. I just don't like those people. He has phoned twice since we moved here 7 months ago. His mother isn't quite satisfied with the visitation I have offered. First, it is not on her terms. Second, it is not the length of visit she requires. And third, it is not putting ME way out of my way to do it. She thinks I should spend two WHOLE days driving and over $100 so she can see her. What is that all about? How can people be so crazy? She is now sending me letters about it and she sends a copy to her lawyer. It is a hand written letter. It has the little "cc:" in the corner. OOhhhh, scary. She is just plain crazy.
And I'm all worked up about money. I am covered in debt. It is hubby's birthday really soon and I have NO money to get him a gift. And nowhere I can even pull it from to pay later or anything.
And I have no spare time. Every week and weekend is full of something. And that something takes me away from my studying.
And I have to write an exam at the clinic soon. On a whole bunch of stuff I don't know.
And I found out that the doc that I work with is not a registered acupuncturist. I'm afraid I won't be allowed to write the licensing exam after I spend a lot of time and ALOT of money to do this.
Argh.
Writing this didn't help me much.
And I just looked at my finished page and my chair is gone again. Goodness.
