Wednesday, Jul. 10, 2002
I got to go out for a drink with the girls last night. It was my friend's birthday. There is a pub in our neighbourhood. It isn't very good but it is close. I walked there, right around the corner. I only stayed just over an hour. Ken wanted to go after me and say hello, have a beer and give her a card.
Chloe and I just ate breakfast out in the backyard. It is 25 degrees already. It is going to be 37 today. I best put the air conditioning on now to be ready.
I still have no answers about my shcooling situation. There are many variables and gray areas. I am scared and frustrated but hopefully it will all be fine. My dog has a big ol' white cone on his head. It must be difficult because he prides him self on his dog sexiness. He's a handsome golden retriever. Un-neutered no less. He has his share of male ego. He also gets doggy-hard-ons all the time. I can't even brush him. It really grosses me out. As much as I love him. I really want to get him fixed. I don't like there being a sexual dimension to my relationship with my dog. He never pops one when Ken pets him.
Must go get the girl to daycare so I can study a few hours and then go to work.
Monday, Jul. 08, 2002Well said.
Monday, Jul. 08, 2002I am crapping my pants here. Ken went to Vancouver this morning. He is lucky because I would be on the phone with him and he would be crapping his pants too.
I'm waiting for the office of the woman who gave me this info to open so I can hear her say it. I want to tell her my situation and hear her say that when I am finished my education, I will not be able to write the licensing exam which means I will not be able to practice acupuncture or Chinese Medicine in this province.
Tick, tick, tick. I just phoned the clinic to tell them I wouldn't be in today. I need today off.
Monday, Jul. 08, 2002What a nice way to start the day. An email from the board that regulates Chinese Medicine Education and holds the exams to recieve your license.
"Generally speaking, only TCM schools graduates can challenge our exams in future. According to the limited information you gave me that you are now under Andy's apprenticeship, are you asking me that you want to challenge our exams?? If this was the case, I am sorry to let you know that only apprenticeship's educational background will not be qualified since our Registration Committee always found that apprenticeship is very difficult to vertify."
This would mean that the last six months of my life was a waste of educational time. Well, not time, I learned a lot, but as far as the regulatory board is concerned it will not count.
Which also means it was a waste of $9095. Oh and $1800 I've taken off the same loan for living money.
I'll try not to get too worked up but yeesh, I am scared.
The closest school I could go to is 4 hours away.
Sunday, Jul. 07, 2002Five days until my first exam. I studied four hours straight yesterday.
Ken and I got in our first fight yesterday. I suppose it has to be done. I'm surprised that it took 8 months to get to it. I'm not a fighter. I am a rational communicator or a bottle-it-all-up type. Depends on my emotional state.
I can't believe that it has been almost a year since I met him. At the same time it is strange to look at how drastically things have changed in the last year. How did I get from there to here?
Friday, Jul. 05, 2002I had prepped a huge greek feast for tonight.
But then we decided to go to a ball game.
So, we went to our friend's yummy pizza place and I got a curry, pineapple, chicken wrap that was yum, yum, yum. And then I had a piece of gourmet chicken pizza. And then we went for ice-cream and I got chocolate peanut butter in a waffle cone.
I am so tired.
Thursday, Jul. 04, 2002I'm afraid to fly.
I'm not that naive.
I'm just trying to find the better part of me.
I'm more than a bird.
I'm more than a plane.
I'm more than some pretty face beside the train.
And it's not easy,
To be me.
Wednesday, Jul. 03, 2002
There was a Mom at Chloe's swimming lessons that had a pair of fabulous Avacado Green slides. I always gazed at her feet in envy imagining she had purchased them from some small European town. I noticed they were made by Simple so I knew they had to be very expensive. I bought a pair of their clogs once for around $90 (except they were a wee too small so I gave them to my friend).
But....
But....
Today I went into some cheapy shoe store. You know, they have all the good brands but at way cheaper prices. Last year's stock I am sure.
And there, in my size, are the Avacodo Green, Leather slides. And $40. I ran to the cashier, threw the money at her and put on my new Simples.
Life is Sweet.
There is a mosquito with a death wish that keeps landing on my face and my nose. I have screens,Boy....how did you get in here?
I am in the middle of scrapbooking pictures of me and my best friend, Michelle, from 1992 to now. It is so fun to go back down the road. But it makes me miss her so much. Her and her husband want to move here but not for a couple of years. I sent her a real-state magazine and now he is really wanting to move here. That would make my world a happy, happy, place.
I should really start a new page. This one is very long.
Wednesday, Jul. 03, 2002
Yesterday was the first day out of school for summer vacation for the kids. They have the girl from next door babysitting them all day. She is 16. It is way more difficult to study with kids running and yelling all over the house. But I try.
Hopefully today we can get some order in the house. I told them they can play quietly inside or loud outside. Their choice.
I feel like I'm so unexciting. Could be because I just woke up and had ten hours sleep.
Tuesday, Jul. 02, 2002Not too much today.
Went to work. Studied four hours. Ate dinner. Swam in the neighbour's pool. Gave a friend acupuncture. Ate popcorn and watched That 70's Show and Frasier. Burned a CD of the Dixie Chicks. Now catching up on diaries before I go to bed.
Not a bad day really.
Tuesday, Jul. 02, 2002
That is funny because I have had my nose pierced 3 times.
Monday, Jul. 01, 2002Happy Canada Day.
I'm home. I'm tired. It rained and winded and was cold. But somehow enjoyable. Going to unpack and do laundry, eat soup and pass out.
Friday, Jun. 28, 2002Just after the Friday Five I did something nice to help a stranger.
I was in the grocery store today. There was a huge container of watermelons for $6.48 each. Two old ladies were hanging over the edge of the box trying to grab the largest watermelon. The container was about half empty. They were laughing their heads off at themselves. Being a wee taller and younger and marginally stronger I offered to help. I grabbed the huge watermelon and carried it over to her buggy. They thanked me, still laughing. I'm sure I will get my due heorism credit when they tell the story, sitting around with their family, eating their huge watermelon.
Friday, Jun. 28, 2002FRIDAY FIVE
When is the last time you....
1. ...sent a handwritten letter? I'm actually going to mail three today
2. ...baked something from scratch or made something by hand? Banana Bread on Wednesday
3. ...camped in a tent? In a tent, last summer. In a trailor, tonight.
4. ...volunteered your time to church, school, or community? 1994-1996 I volunteered running a swimming program in an intermediate care facility.
5. ...helped a stranger? Does my job count? I help strangers alleviate pain and discomfort all day long.
Friday, Jun. 28, 2002I am leaving right after work today to go camping. I'm going to a Fishing Derby for Ken's company. Ken runs a trucking company. I am going to a Fishing Derby with a whole bunch of Truck Drivers and their wives and children.
This could be test. Wish me luck. I have a feeling there will be some talk steering toward inequality. Actually, I know from experience there will. I hope I can hold my mouth back from going ballistic and alienating myself.
May the biggest fish win.
Back on Monday.
Thursday, Jun. 27, 2002
Man, I loved this show. I'm pretty sure I'm smarter than Rose though. But only pretty sure.
Thursday, Jun. 27, 2002I have decided that Celine Dion songs are brainwashing. When they first come out I think "sappy disgusting piece of music....." and a couple of weeks later I'm turning it up and doing my best to sing along. Just like in Josie and the Pussycats. Subliminal brainwashing that makes you buy the music.
Thursday, Jun. 27, 2002
I just had to share this one more thing.
I went to get my tea and go downstairs (like I should). And none of my favourite mugs were around so I had to use a HUGE one in the back of the cupboard.
On the Front it says:
"Donut Dunkers Official Cup"
"As you get through life brother....
Whatever be your goal.
Keep your eye on the donut....
And not on the hole."
On the Back it says:
"Club Rules"
1. No splashing.
2. No slurping.
3. Extend pinky.
4. Clean fingernails.
That made me smile. I'm going to keep my eye on the donut and not on the hole.
Thursday, Jun. 27, 2002Yesterday, Chloe slept until 8:00 in the morning. Today it was 8:45. And because of that, I slept in too. It was so nice. But usually I would have posted this at 7:00 and been studying for two hours already. Oh well, it was worth it.
The other day I had a guy come over to my house for some acupuncture on his back. I do it for donation. I can't really charge because I'm not licensed. He gave me $40. I was so excited because I'm doing this to pay off my electroacupuncture machine that is sitting on Ken's Visa at $288. Well, I saw the $40-guy at a ball game last night and he is coming over again today!! While I do enjoy Ginseng donations. Money is also nice.
I actually have more people who want treatments than I have spare time. I have no fear of having a practice that isn't busy enough to live off. That feels good.
It also feels good to have a job that everybody is interested in. Everybody wants a piece of my time. I am in demand.
Well I best get my steamed yams and tea and start studying. My exams are not so far away. I have a bad habit of studying really, really, really hard when I first start. And then I get burnt out and can't study at all. And then I get to a point when I don't care so much. I'm at the point where I don't care.
Two weeks until I have a break down because I haven't studied enough.
Wednesday, Jun. 26, 2002My flowers are growing. This is exciting for me. I have never grown anything outdoors before. Aren't I little Miss Domesticated? I am shocked though. Dahlias and even Gerbera Daisies!
I'm just upstairs taking a little break to make some tea. Then back down to finish studying Dizziness Syndromes.
I can't wait for July 20th. That is when my holidays start. No worky school stuff until August 12th. I am going to read and scrapbook and sleep and watch tv and socialize and garden and go to Saskatoon and visit my Mom who is staying in a cabin at the lake. No Studying.
I feel like I have been studying for years and years and haven't gotten anywhere. Oh. Wait. I have. All makes sense now.
Tuesday, Jun. 25, 2002Hubs took hours off work today and put a new fan in the furnace so the air conditioner would work.
Phew.
Tuesday, Jun. 25, 2002I just need to share that I love the weblog style.
It is hot here. And our air conditioner is broken. We woke up to a strange humming-whir noise. The motor in our furnace is gone which means no air conditioning. That sucks because I really wanted to cook with the oven tonight. I'm running out of barbecue ideas.
Whatever. Poor me. Whiny me. My air conditioner is broken. While millions go hungry or beaten or homeless.
Fortunately my office is on the first floor. That floor stays cool no matter what. And now I must make a snack and change out of work clothes. And go study, study.
Monday, Jun. 24, 2002I did some acupuncture for a friend of mine tonight. For payment she brought me a huge bag of Korean Red ginseng and a bag of North American ginseng fibre. There are many Ginseng farms in my city. She works at one. This is so exciting.
Things are good. Still studying lots. Very tired though. Going camping this weekend, it's a long one, Happy Canada Day! I'll have to pick up some tattoos before we go. Put them on all the kids.
I was actually One of Three people on Twiggle's messgageboard tonight. One of them was Twiggle herself. You should try it. It is a whole lot of fun and a great procrastination tool.
There are mosquitos in my house. I must go hide in my bed now.
Love to anyone who wants some.
Monday, Jun. 24, 2002I am totally exhausted. I had a brilliant weekend but now I feel like I haven't slept. So. Tired.
On a positive not I figured something out about my hair. I used to blow dry and then flat iron. Every Day. Then it dried on it's own after swimming the other night. And it was big, and curly. And I liked it. No more blow dryer for me. It is so liberating.
Have a great day.
Sunday, Jun. 23, 2002
I'm spiritual Madonna, who are you? Madonna Quiz by Turi.
Last night Chloe slept over at Hubby's ex-wife's house. Is that weird? How does she explain it. This is Chloe, my ex-husband's fiance's daughter. (I hate the word finace)
In any case..... Him and I had a great evening. We sat around in the sun for a while. It was 36 degrees yesterday. And then we went for a swim in the neighbour's pool. Came home, got ready and went for a delicous dinner. We sat out on the patio and had spinch artichoke dip, calamari and then each had a spinach salad, with slivered almonds, tiny bits of red onion, big sweet ripe yummy strawberries, chicken, and lemon poppy seed dressing. I want that salad for breakfast today.
Then we went to the local ice-cream shop. I got a waffle cone with chocolate peanut butter ice cream, he got chocolate chip mint. And we went to the video store and rented Monster's Ball. Came home, got our jammy's on, pumped the air conditioning, layed on the floor on our foamy, and watched the movie. I enjoyed it immensly.
Now today he is gone to Oldest Stepson's last baseball game of the year. Ex Wife is bringing Chloe there. And I am at home studying. He should be back with my girl at 1:00 and we're going to drive to the big lake for an afternoon mini-road-trip.
Must go memorize more herbal formulas now.
Friday, Jun. 21, 2002I have to learn how to stop keeping score. My Mother kept score all my life. In fact she probably still is. I think that I'm losing.
"Well, I worked all day and you only went to school...so you can clean the house."
"Well, I did the dishes every Tuesday for three weeks so you need to do them for the next four Saturdays."
I find myself bitter and blaming about the things I have to do around the house. Nothing is ever my fault in my head. I take mental note every time he does something. Because that is what happened to me all my life as a child. And now I am an adult and it is my turn to win.
Thursday, Jun. 20, 2002I am fairly tired of studying. I am finding myself prepping dinner at 3:00 and pretending that it has to be done.
I would so love a nap. I don't nap enough.
I am going back to study diarrhea now. Did you know that there are SIX reasons that you can have diarrhea in Chinese Medicine? And all SIX of these reasons recquire a different acupuncture formula, herbal formula, and treatment principle.
And then there are names like Huang Qi, Huang Qin, Qiang Hu. Or Ze Xie, Zhi Zi, Zhi Mu, Zhu Yu. It is easy to become confused. Why is everything so similar?
I am starting to really know stuff. It feels really good.
But I must go back now. Back. Down. Study. Now.
Thursday, Jun. 20, 2002I have a patient that is a Roman Catholic Priest. That is what it says on his form under "occupation". That creeps me out a little. I have never met a priest before. And now I have seen a priest's butt.
And I know this is very, very bad. And I know that I am being judgemental and generalizing. And how would I like it if someone made assumptions about me and formed negative opinions from what other people that may or may not be similar to me do. This I know.
I like to be ignorant every once in while.
It's just the Native Residential School thing. And the "zero tolerance" thing in the Vatican.
He even made a joke about how he has never had sex. 80! And NEVER had sex! Wow.
I'm not sure him and I would fare well in a discussion about religion. We just stick to the weather.
Thursday, Jun. 20, 2002Something strange has happened since I moved here. I am starting to feel. It is really kind of annoying.
One day I realized how much easier it is, and has been, to distance myself and not let things in and really feel them. The ultimate defense mechanism. Perhaps the strongest of all.
Don't get me wrong I can still block things out like a Kung-fu fighter. But I have noticed that more things commando crawl past the barrier. The first thing being joy. I would never let myself feel happy in the past. I'm not scared anyone is going to take it away from me now. So I am safe to feel it.
I think this is healing. I find it kind of creepy.
