Saturday, Mar. 08, 2003
Apparently I was having a day yesterday.
I worked from 12 to 7. Some guy took off on his bill. I had to pay for it. It was $43. I only sold $470. This means I used all of my tips to buy some alcoholic fucker sambuca shooters.
I have never worked somewhere that didn't cover dine and dash bills. Usually the servers put a loonie per shift into a fund and that covers the cost.
But...the one good thing is that a woman who works with him was also at the pub at this time. She took a copy of his tab to give to him at work on Monday morning. I know that he might not run in and pay it. But, all his co-workers will know that he stiffed me.
So hopefully he'll come and pay me back. But how frustrating. Grrrr.
Friday, Mar. 07, 2003In light of our new snowfall.....
I'm driving Chloe to school this morning. Turning a corner two blocks from my house (perhaps a bit too fast/sharp). Start sliding and spinning to the right. Go down into a ditch, narrowly miss someones beautiful brick pillar, and end up stopped diagonally just outside their front door.
Do you get out and knock on the door, at 8:15 am, to explain?
Do you drive away telling yourself you'll leave a note later?
You put it in 4 wheel drive and head to the school with your daughter asking you to drive a little slower. If they saw what happened they didn't come out of their house. If they weren't home they are going to have some mystery on their hands when they arrive.
Should I go leave a note? Or a phone message? There wasn't any damage but I. Am. So. Embarrased.
Thursday, Mar. 06, 2003It is snowing. Not just snowing but the sky is puking snow onto my house. It was sssoooooo close to Spring. We hadn't had any big snowfalls. We haven't even been toboganning or ice fishing. Well, here comes Winter. I just hope it's a quick one.
Wednesday, Mar. 05, 2003Yay! Yay! Chloe's dad signed the court order for $675 per month. I never thought he'd do it, even though he is legally required to pay $900. But I was a smart, smart deal swindler and offered him the lower number for 'settlement' purposes. It will be such a relief for him to be properly supporting her from now on......
Tuesday, Mar. 04, 2003
How do I look? This is hilarious. You can make a body model and then try wedding dresses on. Fun!
It was so nice to have some extra money while I was out shopping yesterday. I got birthday presents for my sis and niece, a blouse for myself, an organizer for Chloe's room. Then I realized that I hadn't accounted for my daycare bill in my moment of budgeting before I entered the mall. Oops.
I got a cheque from Chloe's dad to cover the difference in support until we can have the court order drawn up. That is $375 more a month. That sure helps.
Ken's lawyer got in contact with the insurance adjustor and when he told her how much money he wanted to settle she "freaked out". So now it's going to a senior adjustor. We still don't know how much money this is but I'm feeling like it's a lot. Some day soon we're going to get a swack of cash.
The wedding plans are more settled now. I told Ken about my frustrations. I don't think he understood but now we are agreeing on what we are going to do. It feels good. I'm seeing the photographer tomorrow. Phoning the marriage commissioner today. Coming together.
I am going to get a new design. I am bored with this one. But I am going to pay for it this time, that'll be a first! So, Shanni, start brainstorming.....
I am also bored of my hair. It needs some new colour. It needs a cut too but I think I'll wait until after the wedding. I'm feeling like I need to be a blond. After another week of work I think I'll make an appointment to highlight me all up.
Monday, Mar. 03, 2003I had a busy weekend of work and, um, work.
This morning I cleaned the house a little.
In a short while I am going to go to town and buy some things. Run some errands.
Marriage Commisioner. Yes, must do that.
Check.
Saturday, Mar. 01, 2003Yesterday I worked from 12 until 8. Today I feel like I got run over by a bulldozer after drinking a bottle of gin. My body is not used to standing and walking and smiling for that length of time.
Today I am driving two hours to meet with the woman who has the school that I am going to teach my course at. And then I'm working at 5. And tomorrow I work at 11.
Ugh. This is not a good weekend. But by Monday I'll like the money....
Friday, Feb. 28, 2003Ugh. It's snowing. And apparently my wedding is back on now. This is getting really frustrating. It's on, it's off, it's on again but we still have no money. I'm feeling really bitter about it today. We were discussing things last night. I feel like whatever ideas I bring up Ken counters with another idea or a negative comment. All I want is someone to be excited about this with me! I'll say - Let's have 20 people at the little hall, and then all go out for dinner. He'll say - The booze will get too expensive when you are at $4 a drink. I'll say - Let's plan it small. He'll say - Or we can have a big party at our house after the wedding. He says he wants this to be 'whatever I want it to be'. Yet he has not agreed with one idea that I have. He doesn't reject them but he comes up with something different. I am so tired of this being up in the air and undecided. So, in my head I decide how I want it to be. Then I tell him how I feel about the plans. And he suggests something different. I have planned six fucking weddings in my head in the last four months. When I get frustrated like this my first instinct is to say "Nope, forget it, next summer."
Thursday, Feb. 27, 2003Remember the cute puppy that I posted a picture of down there??
Well I just looked through the glass of our patio door at her. I noticed she had something in her mouth. It was a frozen pile of dog shit. Ew!
Wednesday, Feb. 26, 2003Further to my last post. Chloe is vacuuming the stairs and I am going to read my book.
I think I just caught on to something.
Wednesday, Feb. 26, 2003Yesterday Ken was home sick from work. This is the first time in a year. And last year he stayed home one day as well.
Recently we had been arguing a bit about what I do in a day. He would come home from work day after day and see that (for example) the foyer had a lot of sand in gravel in it from our boots. And on the third day I would clean it up. He didn't feel like he should have to vacuum on Saturday when I have been home, unemployed, all week.
I was feeling tired and burnt out. He could not understand why. All I do is stay home with the kids. How could I be burnt out? I used to put hours into the Acupuncture Clinic and still get all the laundry and grocery shopping done.
Yesterday he layed in bed and was witness to my day. He was amazed. He noticed that all I had was 15 minutes maximum to do something without a kid interrupting or asking me for help or a snack or telling me what one of the other kids did to them. I hadn't noticed that. All I knew was that at the end of the day I didn't want anyone to ask me for anything. I was tired of doing for everyone else.
I want to commend any stay-at-home Moms. You do an amazing thing. A thing that makes me very, very tired. And cranky, I get cranky not having time to read my book or nourish myself. And the shifts!! I have been working 7:00 am to 8:30 pm everyday. And the pay!! Shittiest pay ever. And people think you don't work....tsk, tsk I ask them to stay home with their kids for one month and then tell me that Stay-at-home Moms don't work. You have the hardest job in the world. And I love my kids but I am so glad I got a 'real' job doing something else that is so much easier.
Wednesday, Feb. 26, 2003I just spent the last while reading Sacred Contracts. This is an amazing book for me. I just had six epiphanies in a half hour. Good timing in my life to look at the stuff she talks about. I am a bundle of excitement right now. I knew that I picked this book up for a reason and it has been calling me, quietly, from my bedside table ever since. If you could see me I am glowing and my energy is filling up my kitchen. And I have a pretty big kitchen.
Wednesday, Feb. 26, 2003Ken has been waiting on an insurance settlement for a while now. Three years ago he got in a head-on crash on his snowmobile. It was the other guys fault, and the other guy was drunk. Ken suffered with harsh sciatic pain for two years and then had to have a discectomy. As a result of that he is unable to perform most of the jobs that are on his resume. If he lost this office job he has, he wouldn't be able to get a manual labour job like running a skidder or driving truck. Yes, he's a redneck.
So, the lawyer is going into deliberation with the insurance adjustor today. Today. We will probably get a number. All we know right now is that it will be "much more than $30,000" as his lawyer told us.....Holy Fuckeroli!! I already told Ken that I am going to get me some High Maintenance Hair. Hello Highlights and Short Cut. And, and I just remembered that he said he'd get me a digital camera. Screw RRSP's. I'm going shopping!!!!!
Tuesday, Feb. 25, 2003"Everyone who's ever taken a shower has an idea. It's the
person who gets out of the shower, dries off and does
something about it that makes a difference."
-Nolan Bushnell, founder of the Atari Corporation
Monday, Feb. 24, 2003Man, kids are annoying. And frankly so is PMS. Put them together and it's a nit-picking irritating free-for-all in my house. They are at school now. They go to daycare today. That means I have aaaaaaalll day to do whatever I want. I have them home with me on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday this week and then I work on Friday. I am going to enjoy my day.
And I do love kids. Especially my kids. But I am not the stay-at-home Mom type, thank goddess it's not 1942. I'd be one bitchy housewife.
I think I'll peruse the second hand stores today for fun things to wear to work. I think I might peruse the mall because there is some serious sales on right now. I need to buy some rosemary because we are having Beer Butt Chicken tonight. Looks gross. Tastes amazing. Try it.
Sunday, Feb. 23, 2003Last night was my first night at the new job. Not the teaching. The waitressing. I don't hate it. That is a very good thing. The staff seems nice. I brought home $47 in tips, for a training shift. I had a guy yelling at me every time I walked by, "HEY RACH!!!!", he liked my hair because it looks like Jennifer Aniston's. I was flattered, I thought it looked like a grown out bad hair cut with some really old colour in it.
They want me back next Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I am so excited to go. It was fabulous to socialize and get paid for it. Yay for work!!
Saturday, Feb. 22, 2003Here's my puppies. Finally they pose for one worth sharing. Their names should be Heart and Soul.
Through a series of events (that must have been planned by the universe) I met an amazing woman who has given me the oppurtunity to teach two levels of herbology at her college. It is a college of Holistic Studies in a town about two hours from here.
Me?
Teach?
Apparently I can. I get to create the course and tell her how much to charge for it. This is the most exciting thing that has ever happened to me. This is totally why I am in Kamloops. Yeesh, I've been in shock for three days. And in my office with my head in books thinking about homework and lectures, notes and textbooks.
*smile*
Thursday, Feb. 20, 2003I got the job that I had the interview for. I don't really want it. But they give me money. I start Saturday night at 5:00. I'm not sure if I'm going to actually take the job but I don't have anything else to do on Saturday night. I'll see how it goes and if it is something I could tolerate until I can find something enjoyable.
Yay me! Other stuff is going on. Good stuff. I will write the whole long story soon. Right now I have to go grocery shopping, pick up a menu to study from my new employers, and go to the bank to make some loan payments.
Thursday, Feb. 20, 2003Sometimes, when I re-read entries, the typos I make astound me. There is one down this page where I typed "eye" instead of "I". ?????
Wednesday, Feb. 19, 2003I am feeling like things are looking up! Up! Up!
Wednesday, Feb. 19, 2003I'm taking some herbs to cleanse my liver. I have tried to take these herbs three times before. Every time I have gotten really bitchy. Super-pms bitchy. And this time is no different but I decided I would wait it out and see if it might go away. The first three times I quit taking them because I couldn't stand it anymore.
Poor Kenny.
I have also started using a progesterone cream. It is such a strange concept. I have to rub this cream on my body once a day and it will trick my body into thinking that its hormones are balanced. Hhm. My naturopath thinks that hormones could be the cause of all my food sensitivity, hypoglicemia, and thyroid issues. Makes sense because this all started just after Chloe was born.
Wether its the liver herbs or the progesterone cream, I am really learning how to speak my mind. I am probably a little more reactive and sensitive than normal but somehow I have no problem telling Ken when something bothers me. It is kind of fun. I'm pretending to be a good communicator.
Tuesday, Feb. 18, 2003I got an interview for tomorrow! Yay me! It is at a pub. That is ok. Becaue when you go to work at a pub...they give you money.
I have a feeling that after I get one job I'm going to get a shitload of job offers.
Here we go. I had already planned to go apply at a few health food stores today. I think I'll still do that, now that my ego is inflated a bit.
Looks like I won't be needing that Tweety shirt afterall. (no offense to anyone who wears tweety shirts)
Tuesday, Feb. 18, 2003Ken and I have been having some serious discussions the last couple of days about house-cleaning. In other words, we've been fighting. But fighting is good for me because I get things said that I need to say. Most of the time I prefer things to be calm and agreeable but I get annoyed and angry and I never say anything. So when we disagree and discuss it lets me get it all out. I spew out my angers onto the living room floor and then I feel so much better. The anger stays with me for a little while, but eventually I can let it go, I'm grudge holder.
Monday, Feb. 17, 2003I was just going through Chloe's big Valentine folder that she brought home from school. I was completely unimpressed to see that her Kindergarten Teacher's printing is far messier than mine. Shocked I must say. And she got an anonomous Valentine Card. It says "Chloe, you make everything fun!". It's not in a child's writing, it is clearly written by an adult, that scares me.
I went to Value Village today. I got a pair of Converse One Star slides for $4. A cute, cute, cute, dress for my niece's first birthday...it's Gap and was $2. A book on golden retrievers 99 cents, two spice bottles and a nike tshirt $2. Hm. Cause I'm thrifty like that.
I also went to the gym and totally tripped and knocked the top of my step off. It was the same teacher as when I came flailing down landing on the side of my foot and straining my ankle. I feel like such a clutz.
Still, no one has called me from any of the places I have left a resume. I am feeling like this is very strange. I have probably applied to about 30 places. 20 of which were hiring. And not one, not. even. one. has called me for an interview. Not for a job, just for an interview. I feel like there is some sort of conspiracy going on. It's the "Let's Make Rachael Into a Stay-at-home Mom Until She Starts Wearing Oversized Tweety Shirts and Eating Herself Into a Depressed Oblivion Conspiracy". 'Cause all we're missing really is the tshirt, really.
Sunday, Feb. 16, 2003I just finished reading Jonathon Livingston Seagull. It was so inspiring and full of simple truths. I never thought I would read a novel where the main character is a seagull, but it only took me two days. My mom laughed at me and said that book was popular when I was born.
Now I am going to read Sacred Contracts. I'm excited about this one, I bought it yesterday. I'm going to figure out where in the heck my windy life path is headed..... I rented My Big Fat Greek Wedding for tonight but forgot that the movie version of Elizabeth Berg's Open House is on tonight. That is one amazing novel. If you haven't read it...Do! I don't think the movie could ever measure up to the book. My social life is just booming. Slow down, Rachael. Slow. Down.
Friday, Feb. 14, 2003I am really excited about this Survivor. We could become a nation divided along gender lines...all rooting for opposite teams. Marriages could end, the divorce rate will swell. I can feel the tension in my house because I want the women to kick ass.
It did, however, allow me to give Ken some great lessons in feminism last night. He learned about how the world might be different if women were more powerful than men. He agreed. Not bad for a redneck, or perhaps he's just a guy who like to get laid again this year.
And I was always so sensitive about being called 'Amazon Woman' when I was in high school, being tall and larger framed. But now I am honored. I am Amazon Woman! I loved that story.
Thursday, Feb. 13, 2003I just scrapbooked for five hours. My body hurts and I'm nauseous. But I got some pages done to surprise my Kenny Boy. I did one that says in the middle of it..."What I love about Ken". And then all around it, written in all different ways and directions are about 50 reasons I love him. I think he'll love me when he gets his little pressy. I bet I end up giving it to him tonight because I am no good at keeping surprises from people.
Thursday, Feb. 13, 2003Last night I made Ken promise that we are not going to get anything for eachother for Valentine's Day. With, of course, full intention of getting him something.
I don't like Valentine's Day one bit. I think it is just Big Business. And a day for partners who screw up all year long to hopefully redeem themselves in the other's eyes. I choose to make my partner feel special and loved all year long and he does the same.
But he makes me feel so special, and important, and loved, and like I am absolutely the most important thing in his world...that I want to make him feel a little of that tomorrow.
I haven't decided on a gift yet. But what I am doing is starting to scrapbook pictures of us. I have been saving photos of him and eye over the last..um....17 months that we have known each other. Yesterday I did the day we met. It is mostly writing with a few pictures. I think he'll love to look at it. I want to keep it going until we are old and gray.
Ok, I must get to work.
Thursday, Feb. 13, 2003I love Ruben.
Wednesday, Feb. 12, 2003No posts yesterday? What is up with me? The kid's daycare has lice so she shut down for a couple of days. That means I get to save more $$$$$ but I am at home with the kids three days in a row.
I need to get out of the house.
I'm going to the gym this morning. Hopefully I won't make an ass of myself falling off of my step. What a geek.
Chloe's dad agreed to my increase in support. Really, he can't disagree because the law says he should be paying more than I have requested. He should be paying about $900 but I told him I would settle with $675 per month if he was cooperative about the court order process. That should help out in the budget. Hee. He's been underpaying me for five years. It is about time he starts sending the real dough. I do feel bad, because that is a lot of money each month, but that is the law, so I shouldn't feel bad.
Though I won't feel confident until the court order is in my hand. He even said he would mail me a cheque for the difference for this month just so things aren't stalled. My goodness, a new leaf indeed.
I must go warm up my vehicle now. Drop the kids at school and then go do some crazy aerobics. I'm going to go to the grocery store after and get some valentine chocolates to make goodie bags for the kids to take to their class on Friday.
Oh, Valentine's day. We are so, so, so broke. But I really want to get Ken something. After the 4Runner for my bday and a puppy for Christmas....I really want to get him something good. My best idea is a gift certificate to the tattoo place. He's been talking about getting another one for a while now. I think I'll do that because I have no more room for more tattoos so him getting one would be the next best thing.
Love and kisses.
